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Joke o the day
Well I was going to tell my favorite testicle joke but? Let's stick to vet humour.
The other day I was sitting in the veterinarians waiting room with my dog. A man came rushing though the door with a cardboard box under his arm. In the box was a dog and the agitated man began extolling the nurse to have the vet look at his dog immediately as he thought it might be dead. After much pleading the vet came out and took the box to the examination room and began the examination the lifeless dog. After checking the dog for a pulse, a breath and listening to the dog’s heart with her stethoscope the doctor announced to the man that the dog was indeed dead.
"Are you sure." the man wailed. "How can you be certain! Can you do anymore!"
The doctor turned and left the examination room and enter a back room, removed a live cat from the a cage and proceeded to the dog. She rubbed the cat up and down the dog’s lifeless body for 10 minutes.
"Yes I am sure the dog is dead sir", she replied. "You can pay the nurse $525."
"$525!!" the man screamed. " To tell me the dog is dead! It shouldn’t be any more than $25."
"Yes, $525." She replied "$25 for the examination and $500 for the Cat Scan."
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Joke o the day
The animal of the day is now cows.
THE TALE OF TWO COWS
SOCIALISM: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes them both and sells you the milk.
NAZISM: You have two cows. The government takes them both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours it down the drain.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
ENRONOMICS: You have two cows. You keep them both, force them to produce the milk of four cows, then act surprised when they drop dead.
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Joke o the day
Running the gambit here is a southern animal joke (for Chief).
An Army Ranger was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes,man, I'll go and kill my own croc!" To which the shopkeeper replied, "by all means, just watch out for the two Marines who were doing the same!"
So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. "They must be the two Marines," he thought.
Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the lad, the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already lay.
Together the two Marines threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed "Darnn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"
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Joke o the day
Mood Ring
My husband, not happy with my mood swings,
bought me a mood ring the other day so he
would be able to monitor my attitude.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
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Joke o the day
A man and his pet monkey walk into a bar. The man sits down and orders a
drink, but the monkey runs around the bar, climbs on the pool table,
grabs the white cue ball, and swallows it.
The bartender sees this, and says to the monkey's owner, "You know, I
make a lot of money from that pool table, but now without the cue ball
it's useless!"
To which the monkey's owner responds, "I tell you what we'll do, I will
pay for say ... ten games, because that's about what you will make on
the pool table between now and closing time, and then tomorrow, once
nature has taken it's course, I will wash the cue ball, and bring it
back to you"
The bartender agrees to this, and the man leaves the bar with his
monkey. The next day the man and his monkey are back in the bar. The man
sits down, and the monkey sits down on the bar next to him. The monkey's
owner returns the cleaned cue ball to the bartender who accepts it and
thanks him.
The monkey, feeling a bit hungry, picks up a single peanut from the bowl
on the bar, sticks it where 'the sun don't shine' and puts it in his
mouth. The bartender sees this and says to the monkey's owner
"You know that monkey of your is really disgusting, look what he is
doing with those peanuts! I have customers who want to eat those
peanuts!"
To which the monkey's owner replies
"Yes, but my monkey doesn't eat anything anymore without measuring it
first!"
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10-03-2003, 22:23 
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